Amanda
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 I
was born in 1976,in hull,england.
my mother had already tried various ways to abort me,she will tell me that
to my face this day,it took me a long time to deal with that.I was born
into a loveless marriage,both parents were very young and having lots of
problems.
when I was only a few months old,social workers broke down the door of my
mother's house to find a very cold and sick me layed there very flat and
almost dead,I thank God to this day that the neighbours called them.
I was taken into hospital,I am also grateful I didnt lose my fingers and
toes.Thankyou God once more.
I went to live with my grandma,who I have seen recently,and although she
has a reputation of being harsh,I can tell that she loved me especially
as a baby.
my Dad took me for the weekend and never returned me to Grandmas house.
he was alone,wporking,I was in private nursery for a short time.
My Dad married my step mother,I used to name her the step monster,she made
my life what felt like a living hell.I would have been 3 years old,when
i met up with my dad in past years he said he married her as he wanted a
babysitter-*gasp*.
she starved me,beat me,told me each day that if i was hers,life would be
different,she could love me.she threatened to send me to ''dogs home''.
when i was 4 years old,I was put into a carehome for difficult children,I
remember being happy to be away from her.frrom then onwards i spent my life
moving from one place to another,care homes,back home with stepmother,foster
parents,different towns,different places and faces.
when I hit my teens I was alone,I became very angry and made it my mission
to show my ''parents''how much they were hurting me,I self harmed,I was
raped,they didnt believe me,yet they splattered it all over the papers,front
page!!
I was 16 when joshua was born,I loved him so very much and actually thought
no one could ever take him away,I passed assessments with flying colors,i
went to mother and baby unit for 6 mnths,i was given the all clear to take
him home,they were happy with they had seen so far.
they took him anyway.
[link]
that was my last straw,that was when i lost any flicker of faith I turned
to drugs,It was the only way to feel good,buit that was only for so long.I
had no pride,no love left to give,I was all out,completely drained.
I was staring at the pills on the side,sleeping pills,oh how I longed to
sleep,I was so very tired,life tired my words were back then.
a few nights before,I had been in the nightclub,I had seen a guy accross
the room,he was wearing a suit,quite unusual for where I lived,I wasnt in
the habit of speaking to strange men!!but couldnt help but go over ,as he
looked distressed,((his best friend was dancing/kissiing the girl who'd
just left him  ))
I asked him if he was ok,he smiled ..yey!!,and we had a chat and a dance.we
went back to his friends house for a party and there he told me all about
his experiance with Tony Robbins,how the book had changed/improved every
aspect of his entire life,he gave me his copy.>
so staring at my pills in my hand,I decided to read it,give it a chance,I
didnt realy want to die,it was just so painful being alive.
I decided that the book was my last chance''i will read it before i die''.
and here I am.12 years later.I am a singer,a mother,a writer,a musician.I
have so much love in my life,and have had some amazing experiances
So a great big thankyou to tony,for keeping me afloat,helping me to believe
in myself,and teach myself to love and feel and sing.
and Thankyou to God for putting me in the situation where I was given the
book.
click on picture for Tony's site
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